When the Dog Bites, When the Bee Stings

Before Oprah went off the air to spend more time with her invisible boyfriend, Stedman, the talk-show queen had an annual “Favorite Things” segment. During this holiday special, Oprah channeled her inner Maria von Trapp and presented audience members with her favorite goodies from the past 12 months, as well as trendy items for the coming year.

Here at units Magazine, we don’t have the budget to give away $90 tubes of lipstick and $3,000 elliptical machines to each and every reader. We also don’t have the proper insurance coverage to deal with a mass trampling—likely a frequent occurrence at Oprah’s Harpo Studios, with hundreds of women jumping up and down and sobbing over a digital picture frame.

Thus, we’re giving you something much more valuable (and safe) for the new year—units’ Apartment Trends for 2013: What’s IN and What’s OUT.

Below are a few of my favorite things that made this year’s IN & OUT feature. In the words of Oprah, “YOU GET A LIST! AND YOU GET A LIST! AND YOU!”

Everyone start screaming.

In: Emerald

Pantone—the leading authority on color—chose Tangerine Tango as the hue for 2012. This year, it’s all about Emerald.

The color was picked, in part, because it represents prosperity. This may be wishful thinking, given the overall economy, but the apartment industry is faring better than many other industries. Plus, no one’s going to complain about a little more green—whether it’s an accent wall in your leasing office, an energy-efficient retrofit or some extra bills in your pockets.

And the biggest snub of the year? All 50 shades of gray.

Out: Every guy on “Red”

I love Taylor Swift as much as the next self-respecting 26-year-old, but somewhere between her third song about John Mayer and her fifth diddy about Jake Gyllenhaal on her new album, “Red,” I had to think: Maybe she’s the problem here.

But let’s be honest—the girl is holding it down in the music biz. She took a cue from Alanis Morissette and decided to put into song what every guy oughta know—you don’t mess around with a chick who plays guitar.

Just ask Uncle Joey.

In: Heart-healthy unit

When my Dad helped me move into my third-floor dorm room freshman year of college—in August, in Virginia—he was wearing a back brace, sweating profusely and struggling to carry every item I had accumulated since 1986 up 30 steps. So yeah, I doubt he looked at it as a great way to exercise the ol’ ticker.

Had the university marketed my room as a ‘heart-healthy’ unit, however, Pops may have seen things a little differently.

Some companies are leasing these previously somewhat undesirable third-floor units by highlighting the number of calories a resident would burn by climbing the stairs each day to their apartment. It’s a brilliant grassroots marketing campaign—and a reminder to all third-floor residents that they can go ahead and eat that fifth cashew cluster from the Whitman’s Sampler box.

Out: Third floor walk-up

The phrase conjures up an image of sweat and swearing and my 57-year-old father.

Enough said.

For more on the IN & OUT list—and my personal favorites—check out the January issue of units, which mails today.