Thursday, February 12, 2015
I was sitting in a morning meeting a few weeks ago, a mere half-hour after dropping a very large spoonful of oatmeal on my pants, thinking, “How did they let me into adulthood?”
But that’s really one of life’s big secrets, isn’t it? That all of us—at some point or another—feel like we’re just faking our way through it all. Especially with a lap full of soggy breakfast food.
Fortunately, we’re not...
Thursday, January 29, 2015
They always say you learn some of the best lessons from those horrible part-time jobs so many of us once had.
To this I say, really? Cause I don’t think I learned much from spending my days in the stockroom at Kohl’s, scanning barcodes while chatting with an elderly employee named Rusty. Except that Kohl’s will accept any and all returns—worn tennis shoes caked in dog feces included.
That was a...
Thursday, January 8, 2015
When my brother and I were in elementary school, there were several instances of men in white vans kidnapping children. Always a white van!
Naturally, for the next decade, anytime we saw a white van driving up our street, we would sprint and hide behind a large bush in our front yard until the coast was clear. Understandable at the age of 8; a little weird at 18.
Hey—bad reputations die hard,...
Thursday, August 7, 2014
I refuse to participate in Black Friday. (They already have Halloween candy out in stores, so I'm allowed to talk about November.)
For starters, I have no interest in being trampled to death outside of a Walmart. That plasma TV is swell and all, but I’d sooner keep my extremities intact.
I also have very little patience for shoppers with very little patience. Additionally, I will never...