APTly Spoken Blog

  • You Better Listen to Oprah

    I don’t like making small talk. I mean, I think I pull it off fairly well, but as I’m outwardly saying, “Yes, it was crazy cold last Tuesday,” inside I’m all, “WHEN WILL THIS END? MAKE THIS MADNESS END!” Unfortunately (for me), it’s all about who you know—and who they know. And if you must know, I know someone who guest starred on The Good Wife. So really, no need to network any further! But the...
  • 7 Ways You Can Avoid Getting Trampled

    I refuse to participate in Black Friday. (They already have Halloween candy out in stores, so I'm allowed to talk about November.) For starters, I have no interest in being trampled to death outside of a Walmart. That plasma TV is swell and all, but I’d sooner keep my extremities intact.  I also have very little patience for shoppers with very little patience. Additionally, I will never...
  • Show Us Your Curbs

    I was taught to never judge a book by its cover. I was also taught that the customer is always right and if a boy makes fun of you, he likes you. A lot of lies straight to my face. If a customer is clipping her elderly husband’s fingernails while you are taking their food order at a pizzeria, they are not right. And news flash, when a boy ties part of your jacket to your desk so that when you get...
  • Shop With Style (And In My Case, Stupidity)

    Four of my best friends from New York City came to visit recently. As we all got ready for brunch on the first morning, I showed them where the towels were and then carefully explained how to use the hair dryer. “The plastic piece that you use to turn it off and on broke last year, so you have to use this tiny metal screw,” I said, demonstrating how to properly stick said screw into the hair...

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