Tuesday, November 26, 2013
My mom has a habit of trying to surprise me with good news by leaving voicemails that sound anything but.
“Lauren, call me when you get this” is a personal favorite. She left that voicemail a few years ago, her tone foreboding. Now, if I were a TV daughter, I would have been Full House’s D.J. Tanner—damn near perfect (minus the time she accidentally fell asleep on her boyfriend’s shoulder)—yet I...
Wednesday, November 13, 2013
It’s always awkward when someone gets a haircut. It seems rude not to acknowledge it, so you have to start by asking the obvious: “Hey, did you get a haircut?!”
When they say yes, there’s only one appropriate response: “It looks great!”
It could be the ugliest haircut in the world—a mullet or a rat tail or a Kate Gosselin—but you certainly can’t say so.
You may even find said haircut socially...
Wednesday, October 30, 2013
I live for the month of October.
I was born on the 7th, so I guess this quite literally is the case. But I also live for it in a more figurative manner—I just love everything about this season. Autumn on the East Coast is glorious; the leaves are brilliant shades of red, orange and yellow, the air is crisp and I get to dress in a hideous costume that, if I may brag for a moment, inevitably wins...
Wednesday, October 9, 2013
A few years ago I walked into the kitchen to find my old roommate shoving an entire tray of uneaten lasagna down the garbage disposal.
“What the hell are you doing?” I asked, as she repeatedly stabbed the noodles with a fork to dislodge them from the container.
“This is what a garbage disposal is for,” she confidently explained.
Incorrect. So incorrect, in fact, that our disposal broke two...