Tuesday, November 26, 2013
My mom has a habit of trying to surprise me with good news by leaving voicemails that sound anything but.
“Lauren, call me when you get this” is a personal favorite. She left that voicemail a few years ago, her tone foreboding. Now, if I were a TV daughter, I would have been Full House’s D.J. Tanner—damn near perfect (minus the time she accidentally fell asleep on her...
Wednesday, November 13, 2013
It’s always awkward when someone gets a haircut. It seems rude not to acknowledge it, so you have to start by asking the obvious: “Hey, did you get a haircut?!”
When they say yes, there’s only one appropriate response: “It looks great!”
It could be the ugliest haircut in the world—a mullet or a rat tail or a Kate Gosselin—but you certainly can...
Wednesday, October 30, 2013
I live for the month of October.
I was born on the 7th, so I guess this quite literally is the case. But I also live for it in a more figurative manner—I just love everything about this season. Autumn on the East Coast is glorious; the leaves are brilliant shades of red, orange and yellow, the air is crisp and I get to dress in a hideous costume that, if I may brag for a moment,...
Wednesday, October 9, 2013
A few years ago I walked into the kitchen to find my old roommate shoving an entire tray of uneaten lasagna down the garbage disposal.
“What the hell are you doing?” I asked, as she repeatedly stabbed the noodles with a fork to dislodge them from the container.
“This is what a garbage disposal is for,” she confidently explained.
Incorrect. So incorrect, in...