APTly Spoken Blog

  • Even Tough Guys Like Trophies

    My mom has a habit of trying to surprise me with good news by leaving voicemails that sound anything but. “Lauren, call me when you get this” is a personal favorite. She left that voicemail a few years ago, her tone foreboding. Now, if I were a TV daughter, I would have been Full House’s D.J. Tanner—damn near perfect (minus the time she accidentally fell asleep on her boyfriend’s shoulder)—yet I...
  • Remember (We Lost) the Alamo

    I made my first trip to Texas a few years ago. I was in Dallas for a conference and my roommate met me afterward for a little road trip.  After passing what seemed like 15 different dead animals on the side of the highway—I swear I saw an ocelot among the roadkill—Steph and I arrived in San Antonio. First order of business: margaritas and Mexican goods. We made our way to a tourist haven on the...
  • You’re Gonna Hear Me Roar

    Thanksgiving is the Jello salad in the cornucopia of holidays—straight up overlooked. As soon as Halloween is over, everyone is bombarded with Santas and Christmas trees and feelings of panic over personal finances and perpetual loneliness. Maize and belt-buckle shoes never get any respect! So before I succumb to the holiday madness and begin watching “While You Were Sleeping” on repeat—...
  • Get Your Hands Off Me

    Happy Halloween everyone! This year I decided to dress up as a multifamily housing professional. I’m wearing too many hats. Next year I’ll be a comedian. A few weeks ago I kicked off my Halloween festivities with a trip to Pennhurst Haunted Asylum outside of Philadelphia. A three-year tradition with my younger brother and cousin, the attraction includes two haunted houses, a ghost walk and a...

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