Thursday, October 1, 2015
Some of my friends have very simple screening criteria when searching for a significant other: You must have a bed, with a frame, in a place that does not also house your parents.
Futons, mattresses thrown on the floor, a nightly snack drop-off from mother dearest; you’re in your late 20s, people—get your act together.
While some of my counterparts may not know what a fitted sheet is, I want to...
Tuesday, September 8, 2015
Turn on almost any radio station morning show and quite frequently the morning talk host will be asking for “The Phrase that Pays”. This is generally a tag line that summarizes a marketing jingle that the audience is supposed to remember. Something such as “This is KSCUM radio… where we scrub the hits with no commercial breaks every day!”
This short statement is meant to remind listeners what...
Thursday, September 3, 2015
If Hell exists, it was modeled after a Saturday morning Costco run.
Before you even step foot inside, you have to battle a parking lot in which small children have made it their mission to get run over by your car. The entire scene is one giant manslaughter charge waiting to happen.
But it doesn’t get any better once you’re inside, forced to dodge parents with shopping karts the size of SUVs....
Thursday, August 27, 2015
In 2001, Jennifer Lopez made it known that her love don’t cost a thing. In 2012, I came to the harsh realization that others’ love does cost a thing. More specifically, $35 per month on Match.com.
Keep spinning those lies, J. Lo.
When you start paying for love—or someone to simply help you carry in the groceries—you take a good, hard look at yourself. “Is this what 26 looks like,” you ask. ...