APTly Spoken Blog

  • Super Tall, Funny Male Looking for Gullible Female

    “This girl I know” is always complaining about the hot messes on various dating websites. In particular, she really hates: 1. Guys who post shirtless selfies. If my friend—OK, OK, it’s me—sees one more picture taken through the reflection of a bathroom mirror, I’m going to lose it. If you really want to shamelessly impress me, upload a picture of your credit...
  • Oh Hair No!

    It’s always awkward when someone gets a haircut. It seems rude not to acknowledge it, so you have to start by asking the obvious: “Hey, did you get a haircut?!” When they say yes, there’s only one appropriate response: “It looks great!” It could be the ugliest haircut in the world—a mullet or a rat tail or a Kate Gosselin—but you certainly can...
  • Good Gourd, I Love This Season

    I live for the month of October.  I was born on the 7th, so I guess this quite literally is the case. But I also live for it in a more figurative manner—I just love everything about this season. Autumn on the East Coast is glorious; the leaves are brilliant shades of red, orange and yellow, the air is crisp and I get to dress in a hideous costume that, if I may brag for a moment,...
  • The City That Keeps the Roof Blazin’

    When I heard I would be traveling to Miami for the Apartment Revenue Management Conference in September, I was transported back in time. The year was 1998. I was 15 years younger, five pounds heavier and really digging Will Smith’s new single, “Miami.” I didn’t know anything about the city, but from what I gathered based on the lyrics, every day like a Mardi Gras—...

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