APTly Spoken Blog

  • If You Give a Moose a Muffin

    Last week I went to Grand Teton and Yellowstone National Parks. While most 25-year-olds would choose to spend their vacation drinking adult beverages on the beach, I prefer to visit places where I could be mauled to death by wild animals. Bear spray literally in hand—I had my finger on the trigger for the majority our first hike—and bear bells tied to my shoelaces, I spent a good portion of the...
  • Pay to Play: Winning Ways to Hold Community Contests

    A unicorn, an unlimited supply of Toaster Strudel and Zac Efron. When I went in on the Mega Millions in late-March with several co-workers, these were the things I dreamed of purchasing with my cut of the money. I knew I had a better chance of being pecked to death by a hummingbird than winning the lottery, but I’ve always been lucky and didn’t see any reason why this would change. Few people...
  • Dirty Little Secret

    Disclaimer: If you are a potential love interest, please stop reading. My name is Lauren and I own 36 porcelain dolls. I have a problem. I began collecting them as a young girl and continued to do so until the age of 20, when my mom stopped enabling me. The dolls were taking up too much space and, more important, creeping people out. Friends would walk into my childhood bedroom for the first...
  • Ho, Ho…Hold Up!

    I believed in Santa Claus until I was 12. When my mom told me the truth I began crying and considered self-medicating with a mix of pills and candy canes before remembering that the Easter Bunny, thank God, was alive and well. Santa Claus was a devastating blow, but now that the charade was over, my parents could stop hiding my gifts—including Will Smith’s “Big Willie Style” album—at a neighbor...

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