APTly Spoken Blog

  • An Apartment Tail: Fievel Goes to the Dumpster

    I’ve lived in an apartment for over three years now, so naturally I’ve learned a few tricks. Take pest management, for example. A few weeks ago my roommate thrust a chewed-up piece of saltwater taffy in my face, disrupting the quiet time I had requested while watching “Bachelor Pad.” She had discovered the gnawed taffy on the floor of her closet and could only assume one thing: we had a mouse....
  • You Live, You Cut Your Own Bangs, You Learn

    I’ve made a lot of mistakes in my life. Bangs, for example. I grew up in the late 90s, a decade after Bubble Bangs were in, but I said to hell with fashion and continued to sport them well into Y2K. If that wasn’t bad enough, I attempted to cut said bangs with poultry shears on several occasions. My mom would ask me why there was hair in the bathroom sink and I would shrug, my bangs creeping...
  • Watching “Pretty Woman” for the 90th Time Sure Beats Repainting a Room

    When my last roommate moved out, I had the pleasure of helping to repaint her tangerine-colored bedroom back to its original, glorious shade of off-white. I’m all for roommate bonding, but I’d prefer that it involve a box of (rather cheap) wine and my 90th screening of Pretty Woman, not toxic fumes and three coats of primer. Wielding a giant paint roller over my head, I initially felt very free...

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