APTly Spoken Blog

  • The Price of Love

    In 2001, Jennifer Lopez made it known that her love don’t cost a thing. In 2012, I came to the harsh realization that others’ love does cost a thing. More specifically, $35 per month on Match.com. Keep spinning those lies, J. Lo. When you start paying for love—or someone to simply help you carry in the groceries—you take a good, hard look at yourself. “Is this what 26 looks like,” you ask. ...
  • Pick Out The Problem Child

    Sometimes it’s best to scoop up a significant other right after they’ve ended a horrible relationship.  But what about all the baggage and emotional scars, you ask? Yes, but what about the seriously low bar this ex has set for you, I say. A month in, you start asking if these jeans make you look fat, forget to return texts and “accidentally” spill all of his secrets during a boozy girls’ brunch....
  • Keep Dugging

    Someone’s sleeping in the dugg house tonight. Josh, Josh, Josh. Paying a monthly fee for an online service that facilitates extramarital affairs really isn’t a good look when your wife is on track to pop out approximately 30 children.  On the bright side, Josh is set to star in TLC’s latest Duggar spinoff—2 Scandals And Counting. Set your DVRs, people. If we’ve learned anything from the Ashley...
  • How About That Weather!

    A recent episode of “This American Life” featured a very proper British woman who discussed the seven things that should never be brought up in polite conversation. Among them, “route talk,” your health, your diet, your dreams and money. It left me with very little to say. Fortunately—for everyone—I’m not working in a leasing office. My stories of frantic WebMD searches, tangents about binge...

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