APTly Spoken Blog

  • Roommates Gone Wild

    All of these back-to-school commercials are making me feel a little sick. I’m not really sure why—I always loved going to school. I sat in the seat directly behind the bus driver, after all. And yet my stomach still churns whenever I see a sale on spiral notebooks and jeans. Perhaps it’s the thought of summer ending—no more warm nights with the car windows rolled down,...
  • Carol Brady Had the Right Idea

    The best part about having a large family is that you suddenly have an abundance of free labor. Hold on—I’m now getting word that this has not been the case since “The Grapes of Wrath.”  Regardless, I think most people would agree that it’s nice to have people (a young child, your ailing grandmother, etc.) work for you—especially when it’s...
  • Like a Kid In a Candy Store

    Sometimes I blackout when I eat. I mean, not actually blackout—but it feels very similar. I go into a sort of food coma when presented with a table full of free goodies, eating one after the other in assembly line fashion: move hand to candy, un-wrap candy, put in mouth, repeat. I would have made a stellar Lucy Ricardo. I would also be 800 pounds if I lived in one of Mark Tarses’...
  • Whatcha Gonna Do When They Come For You?

    I am one of those people who will only love my own children. (Fingers crossed I even have an affinity for them.) I certainly think kids are cute, and I wish I were great with those little rugrats, but I just don’t seem to have the patience for them. Truth be told, I’d rather be talking to adults. This, along with my apathy (to put it kindly) for dogs, makes me a terrible, terrible...

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