APTly Spoken Blog

  • 27 Going On 72

    I love Bingo and I’m not afraid to say it.  In fact, one highlight of my family’s annual beach vacation to Chincoteague, Va., is going to the town carnival at least three times to play Bingo. It’s a scene straight out of “The Andy Griffith Show”, with the town’s elderly volunteer fireman calling out the numbers and making inappropriate remarks whenever they get O-69. But the big thrill of the...
  • NBC (von) Trapped Me

    When the dog bites—lawsuit! When the bee stings—grab the Epipen! When I’m feeling sad—Carrie Underwood playing Maria von Trapp. I simply remember my favorite things—you go, Julie Andrews—and then I don’t feel so bad. In addition to the original—correction: only—Sound of Music, units Magazine has a few more favorite (and not so favorite) things as we head into the new year. Yes, ladies and...
  • What Does the Silver Fox Say?

    I might block my uncle on Facebook.  He joined three weeks ago and has since commented on nearly every status I write. And we’re talking three- to four-sentence comments. On Thanksgiving, for example, I wrote, “I have a headache and I feel sick. Like ya do, Thanksgiving.” Minutes later and four ‘likes’ deep, my uncle wrote, “I don’t understand—are people ‘liking’ the fact that you have a headache...
  • Super Tall, Funny Male Looking for Gullible Female

    “This girl I know” is always complaining about the hot messes on various dating websites. In particular, she really hates: 1. Guys who post shirtless selfies. If my friend—OK, OK, it’s me—sees one more picture taken through the reflection of a bathroom mirror, I’m going to lose it. If you really want to shamelessly impress me, upload a picture of your credit history, not your chest. I don’t care...

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