Thursday, April 19, 2012
A unicorn, an unlimited supply of Toaster Strudel and Zac Efron.
When I went in on the Mega Millions in late-March with several co-workers, these were the things I dreamed of purchasing with my cut of the money.
I knew I had a better chance of being pecked to death by a hummingbird than winning the lottery, but I’ve always been lucky and didn’t see any reason why this would change. Few people...
Thursday, April 12, 2012
A few weeks before my 12th birthday, my Uncle Mark called me.
“If you could go anywhere in the world for your birthday, where would it be?” he asked.
“Uhh…pick another place.”
I thought for a second before the obvious came to mind—Disney World!
“Guess what,” Uncle Mark said, “we’re going.”
I knew he was lying and I told him so, but he insisted the trip was happening. The more...
Thursday, April 5, 2012
I don’t shop often, but when I do, I buy in bulk. The 23 pudding cups and seven tubes of Aquafresh still in my closet—compliments of a shopping spree at Costco—are a testament to this.
So when a guy came into the office last year to talk about self-defense—and, of course, to peddle safety-related products—I thought ‘why not add some pepper spray to the mix?!’
As the gentleman began pulling the...
Thursday, March 29, 2012
I was looking through someone’s Facebook album the other day and came across 17 identical pictures of a flower.
Enraged by picture six, I wanted to contact this acquaintance and politely explain that I have absolutely no interest in seeing a daisy they found on the side of the road one time, let alone 17.
Now, a field mouse sharing a biscuit with a panda bear in the emergency lane, or a three-...