APTly Spoken Blog

  • Grandmothers and Cars: Things You Can Plug Into a Wall

    At the age of six or seven, I watched the movie “The Electric Grandmother.” It was a film that would shake me to my core. The 1982 horror movie masquerading as a “touching” made-for-TV special is about a family of children who learn to cope with the death of their mother in the most heartwarming and logical of ways: they go to a factory and order an electric (read: android freak) grandmother to...
  • Are You Afraid of the Dark?

    When I was a young girl and came home after a night out with my family, I always stepped inside the house, turned on all the lights and immediately shouted, “Any witches, robbers or ghosts, please come out!” As you can imagine, the moments following that desperate plea were terrifying. Had a witch suddenly made her presence known, I don’t know what the next step would have been. The dark—and...
  • Just Call Me Mrs. CEO

    If I were named CEO, which will probably happen in three to four years tops, my immediate to-do list would be as follows: 1. Get a door for my cubicle. Or at least some decorative beads for the entryway. 2. Institute Macaroni Mondays. One box per employee, strictly of the shell variety. I like it when the cheese gets trapped inside. 3. Commission an artist to paint a window with pretty scenery...
  • Canned Chili and Burned Popcorn: The Perfect Ingredients For a Potential Lease Violation

    Microwave popcorn is pretty straightforward. You take the bag out of the wrapper, put it in the microwave right-side up, and remove it when the kernels have popped. All things considered, it’s an easy task for the average college-educated professional. Then again, I never claimed to be average. Just this week I destroyed my third bag of popcorn this year, unable to grasp a very valuable lesson...

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