Friday, January 13, 2012
Growing up, I loved two things: eating obscene amounts of Gushers and reading books. In addition to my love for literature (and processed food), I had an English teacher for a father who corrected me every time I said “me” instead of “I” and an uncle who used words that haven’t been around since the 17th century.
At the age of 25, I should be a walking thesaurus (not to mention, obese)....
Thursday, January 5, 2012
I sobbed hysterically when my parents dropped me off at college freshman year, so much so that my contact lenses were covered with bits of errant tissue fibers. This sentiment apparently was not felt universally on campus, as literal hoots and hollers could be heard from nearly every other one of my classmates who finally felt free.
Two years ago, when I decided it was time to leave my job and...
Wednesday, December 28, 2011
My family doesn’t have the best phone etiquette.
As a child, I was so petrified of calling people that I would write out exactly what I wanted to say ahead of time and recite my lines repeatedly before dialing. Once I was finally confident enough to ad lib, my mother saw fit to secretly listen in on my conversations. One night, when there was apparently nothing good on TV, I could hear her and...
Thursday, December 22, 2011
It’s that time of year again.
Time to gather the family around the proverbial Yule log before mocking that 14-page holiday letter you get every year from those family “friends” you can’t stand. Time to watch your mother have a meltdown when she realizes the mashed potatoes she made for the Christmas party are the consistency of paste. Time to repeatedly tell your family members that you would...