APTly Spoken Blog

  • Don't You Forget About Me

    Yesterday I went into the community clubhouse to renew my lease for yet another year—partly because I like my apartment, but also because I’m far too lazy to clean out my car, let alone pack everything up and move. As I was sitting there waiting to sign the papers and eating a caramel chew that I swiped from the communal candy dish, I overheard a young couple rattling off a list of complaints to...
  • Hollywood, Here I Come

    The week I spent studying at Oxford was pure heaven. But it wasn’t because I was re-tracing the steps of John Locke, sitting in the same classroom where T.S. Eliot once penned poetic masterpieces or visiting the pub where Bill Clinton smoked “but didn’t inhale.” No, I couldn’t be bothered with such nonsense. I was too preoccupied with the likes of Mischa Barton. I spotted the former O.C....
  • Creepers Need Not Apply

    In San Francisco I was approached by a gentleman with a rat tail who was distraught after releasing his 16 exotic birds due to an impending eviction. He proceeded to flip through a tattered folder full of stained-glass sketches, the prettiest one being that of a lion. When I boarded the bus, he began drinking from a coffee cup he found on one of the seats. On a 13-hour bus ride from England to...
  • Attention “Tim The Tool Man” Taylors—Read Carefully

    I’d like to think I have a few talents. Writing, playing the theme song to “Titanic” on my light-up Casio keyboard, investing inordinate amounts of energy in reality TV couples—these are all things I’m good at. But do-it-yourself (DIY) projects don’t make that list. Due to my total lack of handiwork skills, sixth-grade Industrial Arts class was a particularly harrowing time for me. I always felt...

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