APTly Spoken Blog

  • Forget the Cheese Plate—Book Julia Roberts

    I used to be obsessed with Julia Roberts. This wasn’t a restraining-order level of obsession and there was no real stalking involved—mainly because I was 13 at the time and could not drive a car—but let’s just say I was intrigued with America’s Sweetheart. So much so that in the space of two years, I accumulated nearly 30 magazines in which Julia graced the cover, read her biography...
  • When Baby Wipes Won't Cut It

    I used to have a strange fascination with the car wash. It seems weird, but so does my childhood dream of owning a balloon, bike and gun shop, so it’s easier to not ask questions. I just know I really enjoyed going to that car wash next to the snowball stand. What I remember most is going through in my mom’s Oldsmobile, which, as the name suggests, was quite old. So old, in fact, that water used...
  • Bugger Off!

    I’ve officially become the buzzkill of the group. Whether I’m traveling with friends, going to the movies or getting on the metro, no one is allowed to have any fun until I have performed a proper bed bug inspection. And I don’t just mean a quick sweeping of the eyes. I’m talking flashlights, magnifying glasses and—as was the case during a recent hiking trip to Utah—headlamps. This semi-OCD...
  • Don't You Forget About Me

    Yesterday I went into the community clubhouse to renew my lease for yet another year—partly because I like my apartment, but also because I’m far too lazy to clean out my car, let alone pack everything up and move. As I was sitting there waiting to sign the papers and eating a caramel chew that I swiped from the communal candy dish, I overheard a young couple rattling off a list of complaints to...

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