APTly Spoken Blog

  • Get A Grip, People

    I sobbed hysterically when my parents dropped me off at college freshman year, so much so that my contact lenses were covered with bits of errant tissue fibers. This sentiment apparently was not felt universally on campus, as literal hoots and hollers could be heard from nearly every other one of my classmates who finally felt free. Two years ago, when I decided it was time to leave my job and...
  • Calling All Manners

    My family doesn’t have the best phone etiquette. As a child, I was so petrified of calling people that I would write out exactly what I wanted to say ahead of time and recite my lines repeatedly before dialing. Once I was finally confident enough to ad lib, my mother saw fit to secretly listen in on my conversations. One night, when there was apparently nothing good on TV, I could hear her and...
  • New Year, New Problems

    It’s that time of year again. Time to gather the family around the proverbial Yule log before mocking that 14-page holiday letter you get every year from those family “friends” you can’t stand. Time to watch your mother have a meltdown when she realizes the mashed potatoes she made for the Christmas party are the consistency of paste. Time to repeatedly tell your family members that you would...
  • Bingo With My Biddies

    The summer before my junior year of college, my family went on a cruise to the Virgin Islands. Each day on the boat, while the other passengers my age were flirting by the pool or trying to sneak into the casino, I was playing Bingo with the senior crowd. You see, Bingo is a sport I’ve always enjoyed. It’s competitive, it requires skill and it’s not for the faint of heart—all things that I love...

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