APTly Spoken Blog

  • Must Love Dogs—Minus the Doo-Doo

    It's no secret that I don't love dogs. I don't hate them, either—I just don't love them. In modern American society, this means I'm a monster—someone sandwiched right between people who dislike children and hate rainbows in levels of evilness.I understand that dogs are man's best friend (if you can't find a human best friend), provide companionship and never judge you. I also understand that...
  • I Smell a Rat

    Last month I woke up in the middle of the night in sheer panic. A mouse was sitting in my hand. I sat up and launched the rodent across the room before jumping out of bed, turning on the lights, and frantically searching my sheets for additional mice. And then I looked around, rubbed my eyes and realized that the furry thing I felt in my hand—the thing I had just violently thrown against the...
  • Who Needs a Stairclimber When You Live On the Third Floor?

    They say getting dressed for your workout is half the battle. Half the battle for me, more specifically, is making the decision to resist watching nine YouTube videos of my latest Hollywood obsession—Anna Kendrick from “Pitch Perfect” at the moment—put the bag of croutons down (I eat them like chips) and sort through my dirty pile of laundry for a pair of running shorts. My apartment community...
  • To Catch a Liar

    My parents had it easy—a fact I like to remind them of as often as possible. You see, my brother and I were not your typical adolescents. We didn’t drink, we didn’t skip class, we didn’t go around town wreaking havoc upon unsuspecting elderly neighbors. In fact, it’s safe to say we were the world’s best—and, according our more popular peers, boring—teenagers. Thus, having a fake ID never even...

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