APTly Spoken Blog

  • Bugger Off!

    I’ve officially become the buzzkill of the group. Whether I’m traveling with friends, going to the movies or getting on the metro, no one is allowed to have any fun until I have performed a proper bed bug inspection. And I don’t just mean a quick sweeping of the eyes. I’m talking flashlights, magnifying glasses and—as was the case during a recent hiking trip to...
  • Don't You Forget About Me

    Yesterday I went into the community clubhouse to renew my lease for yet another year—partly because I like my apartment, but also because I’m far too lazy to clean out my car, let alone pack everything up and move. As I was sitting there waiting to sign the papers and eating a caramel chew that I swiped from the communal candy dish, I overheard a young couple rattling off a list of...
  • Hollywood, Here I Come

    The week I spent studying at Oxford was pure heaven. But it wasn’t because I was re-tracing the steps of John Locke, sitting in the same classroom where T.S. Eliot once penned poetic masterpieces or visiting the pub where Bill Clinton smoked “but didn’t inhale.” No, I couldn’t be bothered with such nonsense. I was too preoccupied with the likes of Mischa...
  • Creepers Need Not Apply

    In San Francisco I was approached by a gentleman with a rat tail who was distraught after releasing his 16 exotic birds due to an impending eviction. He proceeded to flip through a tattered folder full of stained-glass sketches, the prettiest one being that of a lion. When I boarded the bus, he began drinking from a coffee cup he found on one of the seats. On a 13-hour bus ride from England to...

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