APTly Spoken Blog

  • Calling All Manners

    My family doesn’t have the best phone etiquette. As a child, I was so petrified of calling people that I would write out exactly what I wanted to say ahead of time and recite my lines repeatedly before dialing. Once I was finally confident enough to ad lib, my mother saw fit to secretly listen in on my conversations. One night, when there was apparently nothing good on TV, I could hear...
  • New Year, New Problems

    It’s that time of year again. Time to gather the family around the proverbial Yule log before mocking that 14-page holiday letter you get every year from those family “friends” you can’t stand. Time to watch your mother have a meltdown when she realizes the mashed potatoes she made for the Christmas party are the consistency of paste. Time to repeatedly tell your family...
  • Bingo With My Biddies

    The summer before my junior year of college, my family went on a cruise to the Virgin Islands. Each day on the boat, while the other passengers my age were flirting by the pool or trying to sneak into the casino, I was playing Bingo with the senior crowd. You see, Bingo is a sport I’ve always enjoyed. It’s competitive, it requires skill and it’s not for the faint of heart...
  • I, Too, Used to Smell Like a Tub of Garlic Bread

    One night when I was waitressing I asked an older male customer if he wanted dessert. He winked and said, “yes, how about your number?” I informed him we were all out of that. The three months I spent as a server at my local pizzeria gave me a newfound respect for everything waiters and waitresses have to put up with on a daily basis. From the 19-year-old dish washer in the back of...

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