APTly Spoken Blog

  • Don’t Choke When It Matters Most

    My mother has a history of ordering the one bad meal on the menu whenever we go to a restaurant. This combined with her propensity for choking—typically on a particularly sharp shell found in her crab soup, gristle in her cheeseburger or a small but debilitating bone in her fish—always makes for a memorable evening out. We’ve had a lot of experience with this, but one instance...
  • Dirty Little Secret

    Disclaimer: If you are a potential love interest, please stop reading. My name is Lauren and I own 36 porcelain dolls. I have a problem. I began collecting them as a young girl and continued to do so until the age of 20, when my mom stopped enabling me. The dolls were taking up too much space and, more important, creeping people out. Friends would walk into my childhood bedroom for the first...
  • All Up in Your Face(book)

    I am a proud member of the Freshmen Class of Facebook. In those early days, back in 2004 and 2005, the site was new and exclusive (it required a .edu address to sign up) and cool. And the first day I stalked an on-campus crush using the “people search,” I knew it was going to change my life forever. One small step for me, one giant leap backward for all of womankind. There were, of...
  • How Low Can You Go?

    I’ve had some pretty cool jobs and I’ve had some pretty bad jobs. All of them have been memorable. Take, for example, the day I sunk to a new low while selling sandwiches in Ireland. My typical sandwich route through a business park in Galway wasn’t bringing in the euros anymore and it was time to start soliciting anyone, lest I lose a free lunch every day. Desperate to wear...

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