Thursday, May 22, 2014
I was taught to never judge a book by its cover. I was also taught that the customer is always right and if a boy makes fun of you, he likes you.
A lot of lies straight to my face.
If a customer is clipping her elderly husband’s fingernails while you are taking their food order at a pizzeria, they are not right. And news flash, when a boy ties part of your jacket to your desk so that when you get...
Thursday, May 15, 2014
Be cool. Just be COOL.
Easier said than done when Bill Rancic is calling your office...
But let me take a step back. I’ve always had what some might describe as paparazzi tendencies. I get very star-struck when I see or talk to anyone who has been on TV for upwards of two minutes and my body simply shuts down.
This first occurred in high school when my mom and I spotted Tom Cavanaugh, star of...
Thursday, May 8, 2014
“Son of a b****, there are maggots!”
I can still hear my mom yelling this when I was eight years old. She’d driven my younger brother and me to the gas station to vacuum our grey Oldsmobile, only to lift up the back seats and discover several white maggots, the sight of which produced instantaneous dry heaving.
This was, of course, our fault. You can only drop so...
Thursday, May 1, 2014
I once had an Amazon package stolen from in front of my apartment door. I’d ordered “The Snowy Day” and “Harold and the Purple Crayon” (only the two best books ever) for my boss’ baby shower, though as I stood there realizing they’d been snatched from under me, I related far more to “Alexander and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day.”
Still, I have to think the joke’s on them. There has...