APTly Spoken Blog

  • My Pants Are On Fire

    I’m a horrible liar. It’s not so much that I have a problem with the lie itself, but it’s the post-lie paranoia that really destroys me. I was a ridiculously good child/teenager—seriously Mom, you had it so good—but the worst lie I can think of occurred about six years ago. I was 20, had just gotten my license a month prior and wanted to drive from Maryland to Connecticut to visit my friend. I...
  • We're Gonna Party Like It's 1993

    Twenty years ago, I was six. Naturally, a lot has changed since then. 1. I no longer secretly cut my bangs in the bathroom and then lie when my Mom asks why there is hair in the sink. Today, I do it out in the open with poultry shears. And because I am my own boss, I don’t have to lie to anyone. 2. Jell-O Pudding Pops have lost their allure. When I was six, pudding pops were pretty much the most...
  • Love Thy Neighbor...Well, Sometimes

    I’ve had some odd neighbors. In the four years that I’ve lived in my apartment, three have cycled through. The first family was very nice. Well, I assume they were nice—we never actually spoke. But they didn’t light our doormat on fire, so in my book, that’s nice. When they left, two 20-something frat guys moved in. They weren’t the brightest crayons in the box but they were polite and held the...
  • Get Out of My Face(book)

    If HR used brute force and accessed my personal Facebook page, they would learn the following things about me: 1. Sometimes I wish I were traveling and not in work. Oh, the humanity! 2. My source of news is People.com. 3. I frequently travel—and take pictures—with a one-inch plastic baby boy affectionately known as D Money. 4. Last week I accidentally zippered a piece of neck skin in my coat and...

Pages

Subscribe to Blog Posts