Thursday, January 2, 2014
I might block my uncle on Facebook.
He joined three weeks ago and has since commented on nearly every status I write. And we’re talking three- to four-sentence comments. On Thanksgiving, for example, I wrote, “I have a headache and I feel sick. Like ya do, Thanksgiving.”
Minutes later and four ‘likes’ deep, my uncle wrote, “I don’t understand—are people ‘liking’ the fact that you have a headache...
Tuesday, December 24, 2013
“This girl I know” is always complaining about the hot messes on various dating websites. In particular, she really hates:
1. Guys who post shirtless selfies. If my friend—OK, OK, it’s me—sees one more picture taken through the reflection of a bathroom mirror, I’m going to lose it. If you really want to shamelessly impress me, upload a picture of your credit history, not your chest. I don’t care...
Thursday, December 5, 2013
Last week I received a text on my flip phone while I was in an NAA staff meeting.
For those of you smartphone folks who can’t reach far back enough in your memory to recall the sound, it’s a series of three loud beeps.
“Lauren, I think your pager went off,” said one cruel co-worker who shall not be named (rhymes with Jeremy Figoten).
Unless I have a computer nearby, it’s technologically...
Tuesday, November 26, 2013
My mom has a habit of trying to surprise me with good news by leaving voicemails that sound anything but.
“Lauren, call me when you get this” is a personal favorite. She left that voicemail a few years ago, her tone foreboding. Now, if I were a TV daughter, I would have been Full House’s D.J. Tanner—damn near perfect (minus the time she accidentally fell asleep on her boyfriend’s shoulder)—yet I...