APTly Spoken Blog

  • Permission To Take Off

    When I was working at a large retail store one summer during college (think red bull’s-eye), one of my supervisors told me everything from her pants size (12) to the dirty details of her messy divorce. Apparently I have a face that says, “tell me everything.”  “Susan,” on the other hand, had an ex-husband whose face said “don’t tell me anything.” While I knew her entire life history, Susan knew...
  • My Pants Are On Fire

    I’m a horrible liar. It’s not so much that I have a problem with the lie itself, but it’s the post-lie paranoia that really destroys me. I was a ridiculously good child/teenager—seriously Mom, you had it so good—but the worst lie I can think of occurred about six years ago. I was 20, had just gotten my license a month prior and wanted to drive from Maryland to Connecticut to visit my friend. I...
  • We're Gonna Party Like It's 1993

    Twenty years ago, I was six. Naturally, a lot has changed since then. 1. I no longer secretly cut my bangs in the bathroom and then lie when my Mom asks why there is hair in the sink. Today, I do it out in the open with poultry shears. And because I am my own boss, I don’t have to lie to anyone. 2. Jell-O Pudding Pops have lost their allure. When I was six, pudding pops were pretty much the most...
  • Love Thy Neighbor...Well, Sometimes

    I’ve had some odd neighbors. In the four years that I’ve lived in my apartment, three have cycled through. The first family was very nice. Well, I assume they were nice—we never actually spoke. But they didn’t light our doormat on fire, so in my book, that’s nice. When they left, two 20-something frat guys moved in. They weren’t the brightest crayons in the box but they were polite and held the...

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