APTly Spoken Blog

  • You're Full of Garbage

    A few years ago I walked into the kitchen to find my old roommate shoving an entire tray of uneaten lasagna down the garbage disposal.   “What the hell are you doing?” I asked, as she repeatedly stabbed the noodles with a fork to dislodge them from the container.  “This is what a garbage disposal is for,” she confidently explained. Incorrect. So incorrect, in fact, that our disposal broke two...
  • I Hear It’s Supposed to Rain Tomorrow

    If I had to make a life list of the things I most despise, making small talk would fall just below people leaving uneaten desserts at restaurants and glitter (it never goes away). Consider the conversation required in an elevator. Whether it’s a stranger or my best friend, the second those doors shut and I have to decide whether to look directly at them or speak to them through their reflection...
  • Under the Big Top

    My younger brother and I were always trying to make a buck. Well, wanting to make a buck. The trying, not as much. Our more ambitious entrepreneurial peers were manning lemonade stands, cutting grass and selling baked goods, but Chris and I wanted to do something a bit more creative. Naturally, we settled on a carnival. Our yard wasn’t humongous, but we were confident we had just enough space for...
  • Happy Little Trees—And Residents

    Three years ago, my friend dressed as Bob Ross for Halloween. Once brushed out, Joe’s curly hair was a dead ringer for the painter’s giant ‘fro, and he spent hours meticulously applying the faux facial hair he still had from an old role in a church play.  The resemblance was uncanny. As the evening progressed, and the drinks continued to flow, Joe’s ‘happy little trees’ were getting happier and...

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