APTly Spoken Blog

  • We're Gonna Party Like It's 1993

    Twenty years ago, I was six. Naturally, a lot has changed since then. 1. I no longer secretly cut my bangs in the bathroom and then lie when my Mom asks why there is hair in the sink. Today, I do it out in the open with poultry shears. And because I am my own boss, I don’t have to lie to anyone. 2. Jell-O Pudding Pops have lost their allure. When I was six, pudding pops were pretty much...
  • Love Thy Neighbor...Well, Sometimes

    I’ve had some odd neighbors. In the four years that I’ve lived in my apartment, three have cycled through. The first family was very nice. Well, I assume they were nice—we never actually spoke. But they didn’t light our doormat on fire, so in my book, that’s nice. When they left, two 20-something frat guys moved in. They weren’t the brightest crayons in the...
  • Get Out of My Face(book)

    If HR used brute force and accessed my personal Facebook page, they would learn the following things about me: 1. Sometimes I wish I were traveling and not in work. Oh, the humanity! 2. My source of news is People.com. 3. I frequently travel—and take pictures—with a one-inch plastic baby boy affectionately known as D Money. 4. Last week I accidentally zippered a piece of neck skin...
  • Decks and Balances

    My family belonged to our neighborhood pool, and every summer we would attend the 4th of July party there. The ice-cream eating contest and free hot dogs were great, but it was the final game of the day that always gave me pause. After the hot fudge and hot dog buns were cleared away, one of the lifeguards would grease a large watermelon with Crisco, throw it in the deep end of the pool and...

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