APTly Spoken Blog

  • Happy Little Trees—And Residents

    Three years ago, my friend dressed as Bob Ross for Halloween. Once brushed out, Joe’s curly hair was a dead ringer for the painter’s giant ‘fro, and he spent hours meticulously applying the faux facial hair he still had from an old role in a church play.  The resemblance was uncanny. As the evening progressed, and the drinks continued to flow, Joe’s ‘happy little trees’ were getting happier and...
  • Roommates Gone Wild

    All of these back-to-school commercials are making me feel a little sick. I’m not really sure why—I always loved going to school. I sat in the seat directly behind the bus driver, after all. And yet my stomach still churns whenever I see a sale on spiral notebooks and jeans. Perhaps it’s the thought of summer ending—no more warm nights with the car windows rolled down, extra daylight or trips to...
  • Carol Brady Had the Right Idea

    The best part about having a large family is that you suddenly have an abundance of free labor. Hold on—I’m now getting word that this has not been the case since “The Grapes of Wrath.”  Regardless, I think most people would agree that it’s nice to have people (a young child, your ailing grandmother, etc.) work for you—especially when it’s voluntary. This is certainly the case in the apartment...
  • Like a Kid In a Candy Store

    Sometimes I blackout when I eat. I mean, not actually blackout—but it feels very similar. I go into a sort of food coma when presented with a table full of free goodies, eating one after the other in assembly line fashion: move hand to candy, un-wrap candy, put in mouth, repeat. I would have made a stellar Lucy Ricardo. I would also be 800 pounds if I lived in one of Mark Tarses’ Berkeley, Calif...

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