Thursday, April 25, 2013
I’m a horrible liar.
It’s not so much that I have a problem with the lie itself, but it’s the post-lie paranoia that really destroys me.
I was a ridiculously good child/teenager—seriously Mom, you had it so good—but the worst lie I can think of occurred about six years ago. I was 20, had just gotten my license a month prior and wanted to drive from Maryland to...
Thursday, April 18, 2013
Twenty years ago, I was six. Naturally, a lot has changed since then.
1. I no longer secretly cut my bangs in the bathroom and then lie when my Mom asks why there is hair in the sink. Today, I do it out in the open with poultry shears. And because I am my own boss, I don’t have to lie to anyone.
2. Jell-O Pudding Pops have lost their allure. When I was six, pudding pops were pretty much...
Thursday, April 11, 2013
I’ve had some odd neighbors.
In the four years that I’ve lived in my apartment, three have cycled through.
The first family was very nice. Well, I assume they were nice—we never actually spoke. But they didn’t light our doormat on fire, so in my book, that’s nice.
When they left, two 20-something frat guys moved in. They weren’t the brightest crayons in the...
Thursday, April 4, 2013
If HR used brute force and accessed my personal Facebook page, they would learn the following things about me:
1. Sometimes I wish I were traveling and not in work. Oh, the humanity!
2. My source of news is People.com.
3. I frequently travel—and take pictures—with a one-inch plastic baby boy affectionately known as D Money.
4. Last week I accidentally zippered a piece of neck skin...