APTly Spoken Blog

  • Super Tall, Funny Male Looking for Gullible Female

    “This girl I know” is always complaining about the hot messes on various dating websites. In particular, she really hates: 1. Guys who post shirtless selfies. If my friend—OK, OK, it’s me—sees one more picture taken through the reflection of a bathroom mirror, I’m going to lose it. If you really want to shamelessly impress me, upload a picture of your credit history, not your chest. I don’t care...
  • Pulling the Plug

    Last week I received a text on my flip phone while I was in an NAA staff meeting. For those of you smartphone folks who can’t reach far back enough in your memory to recall the sound, it’s a series of three loud beeps. “Lauren, I think your pager went off,” said one cruel co-worker who shall not be named (rhymes with Jeremy Figoten).  Unless I have a computer nearby, it’s technologically...
  • Even Tough Guys Like Trophies

    My mom has a habit of trying to surprise me with good news by leaving voicemails that sound anything but. “Lauren, call me when you get this” is a personal favorite. She left that voicemail a few years ago, her tone foreboding. Now, if I were a TV daughter, I would have been Full House’s D.J. Tanner—damn near perfect (minus the time she accidentally fell asleep on her boyfriend’s shoulder)—yet I...
  • Run Like a Dog

    My best friend, Bridget, ran the ING New York City Marathon last month. That’s 26.2 miles—which, if I’m being honest, sounds like a long way to drive, let alone run. My body isn’t built for such things. But just because my legs aren’t capable of running for an unnaturally long period of time doesn’t mean I’m not capable of cheering on others for four hours. Especially when one of those people is...

Pages

Subscribe to Blog Posts